One Free Meal

Smokey, JJ, and Pete were about the best friends in the world. There wasn’t anything they wouldn’t do for each other in a pinch. Smokey was the calculating one of the bunch. He could look at a person and know what they were thinking and act on it before they knew he had’em figured. JJ was the talker. He could talk his way into just about anything and not out of much. Pete, well…Pete was not quite the thinker or the talker, but Pete was good at one thing and that’s callin’em like he sees’em.

It was a cold night in November and the North wind was reminding the friends that they hadn’t had a good meal in a while. They were travellin’ back from a hard weekend of rodeoing and didn’t have 2 quarters to rub together between the three of them. But they were hungry, and that sometimes overpowers the normal rules of decision making about food.

The Innkeeper was just about the fanciest restaurant in the next little town. It had a perfectly manicured yard, complete with mood lit shrubbery, sure to enhance the taste of most any meal. The parking lot was full of expensive cars and the first thing the group noticed as they pulled their old pickup in along side a model of car they couldn’t pronounce was that JJ looked especially proud to be there.

“What in the world has gotten into you JJ?” asked Smokey, suddenly feeling unsure since JJ was so confident.

“Well boys, have I got a surprise for you. We’re gonna eat us a big steak in this fancy restaurant and I’m gonna pay for it”, announced JJ.

“How you figure on paying for all of this? You lost your last 10 bucks in that bet”, Smokey reminded.

“Now... we all know that bet was rigged. There ain’t no way that girl coulda resisted my charms, especially when I been drinkin’”, he smirked.” I think she was tipped off on my advances by that guy we bet and because part of that money belonged to you boys, I’m gonna buy you a steak to make up for it. Now tuck your shirts in and get ready to act like we belong in here. I used to date a waitress here and I think I got an idea that will get us some free grub.”

The truck doors squeaked open and the trio stepped out into the cold evening air. Smokey straightened his shirttail and his hat while JJ took a look at himself in the truck window just to make sure he was presentable. Pete took the opportunity to shine his boots on the back of his pants leg and they were off.

Walking up the steps to the building the three all sensed they were in over their heads but no one would admit it. After the man at the door seated them, they all proceeded to recall the events of the weekend from start to finish. The conversation consisted of near missed riches and love gone bad, just like every conversation they had on a Sunday evening on the way home. When the waitress took their order, Smokey just couldn’t help but feel like something needed mentioning.

“JJ?”

“Yeah.” Was the most easily understood word spoken with a mouthful of complimentary dinner rolls.

“I cain’t help but notice that you haven’t spoken to any of these women in here like you know’em. Where’s your waitress friend?”

“She’ll be on her shift in a few minutes. Don’t worry, it’ll be alright.”

Smokey didn’t feel so sure. After a while though, the food showed up and when that happened all concerns went out the window. With the meal done and the dishes picked up there was only one thing left…the check. When the bill hit the table a spectacle went on in that little town like no one had ever seen. Especially the swells in that place.

The check hadn’t even settled on the table yet when a shriek went up like a mountain lion caught in a leg trap and the next thing anyone knew, Old JJ hit the floor. All of that woulda been ok if the spectacle after the hollerin’ hadn’t happened. There was so much writhin’ and moanin’ that neither Smokey nor Pete knew what to do. They had never seen such a thing, and from the looks on the faces of most of the folks in that fancy restaurant, they hadn’t either.

Somehow they got JJ out of the restaurant and into the pickup. It was in large part due to some help from the manager, who was afraid the rest of the patrons would fear a good poisoning is what Ole JJ was sufferin’ from, because he helped carry and half drag JJ out to the truck with JJ causing a commotion the whole time. Pete jumped behind the wheel and as Smokey tended to JJ by fannin’ him with his hat, they screeched out of the parking lot and headed south. The city limits hadn’t even been cleared yet and the truck erupted in laughter.

“What the heck was that JJ? I thought you knew someone in there that would give us a free meal.”

JJ just smirked for a few minutes before answering.

“We know the manager now.”