What I have in Common with Competitive Eaters

Not all funny stories are about other people. Sometimes I provide enough material on my own.

I felt kinda queasy yesterday when I left work. I stopped by the Dollar Store and bought some Tums (TUM, TUM, TUM, TUM, TUUUMS...I hear the commercial in my head everytime) and grazed a couple of them down. I had a supper to attend in Nacogdoches at 6:45 and needed to leave the hotel at 6. I went to the room, set the alarm on my phone, and took an hour nap hoping to feel better when I woke up. Wrong.

As I started the 40 minute drive to Nacogdoches, I questioned whether I should even be going at all. I really needed to, so I pushed on. When I reached the restaurant and made it inside, I was full bore sick to my stomach. I ordered a glass of water and sipped it, hoping that it would stay down. I made it about 15 minutes and slipped out. I couldn't take it anymore.

As I strolled through the parking lot toward my truck, I silently hoped I would make it back to the hotel before I lost my cookies. Allow me to digress.

On some roads in East Texas, it's just a four lane road, with no "Shoulder". The road from Center to Nacogdoches is just such a road. Now I was trying my best to make it like I said. About 10 miles from Center I jerked my truck into the ditch and stepped out.

When Competitive Eaters, and there is an actual sport for this, are in the heat of battle....sometimes their bodies just can't take what they are doing to it. As a defense mechanism the body does what it is trained to do. In the Competitive Eating world, this is called "having a reversal". I am not a Competitive Eater, but I do have this one bodily function in common with them.

When I stepped out of the truck, I didn't even make it to the rear of the vehicle before Reversal Number One. After that, my number one concern was for my own safety. We are animals and when we experience something like I was, I think instinct makes us do things and think things to protect ourselves. My first thought was that I was going to pass out and fall into the road afterwards being run over. I closed my truck door and tried to make it around to the other side of the vehicle. When I reached the rear of the truck was when Reversal Numbers 2 and 3 took place. At this point instinct knew I was safe from being run over, but shame stepped in. I thought to myself,"These people driving by on the road don't want to see this. I should move." So I did. This time I made it to the other side of the vehicle and with one hand on the truck bed, the other on my hip and my eyes bugging out, I experienced Reversals Number 4 and 5.

"Where is this coming from?" "What did I do?" "How can it be this much?", are all things I remember thinking during the process, closely followed by,"Please make it stop....I'll never eat Pizza again...I promise". It was violent and was my bodies natural instinctive reaction. Like when the female Preying Mantis kills and eats the male after mating. I thought the Pizza I ate was killing me.

The good news is that I made it to the hotel and immediately assumed the fetal position on the bed. I did live to type this blog, although I'm still not 100%. I don't want to mention any names, but let's just say that there's a hut that sells pizza and they have lost my business for a lifetime. Now I have to go drink a bottle of water and tell myself it's gonna be ok again.


Believe me...it's a tough way to make your pants fit better,
Walker